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Dear Mr. President, I've written to you before, but once again you have a Stem Cell Bill in front of you so the guys in the freezer have asked me to speak for them - though, as you know, we have no mouths. Still, I didn't have the guts of turn them down, which is in itself is quite the trick, as I also have no guts. Nevertheless, before you veto the legislation to loosen your six-year-old restrictions on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research that you consider "immoral," please consider this. Tony Snow said that, "The president believes strongly that for the purpose of research it's inappropriate for the federal government to finance something that many people consider murder; he's one of them." We all appreciate your concern for our well-being, but if you consider it murder to use us for research, then what is it called when we're tossed away without be used at all? We're talking about hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of living, breathing - okay, we don't actually breathe, but one day, maybe, strapped up to some sort of tiny-life supporting equipment - who knows? The point is, no matter veto or sign, you lose. So a bunch of us stem-cells got together - not physically, that comes later - and came up with an idea, which is amazing in itself as we have no brains to form a thought. You're a big parents handling their own kid's lives guy. So, if we are lives, why don't you let our parents make the decision as to whether they want us to be used for research or throw us away? That way the only research we're funding is with willing participants. And for the other stem cells who have parents who would rather throw them away, they get to do it. And they don't even have to call it "murder" when they toss us in the trash. They could call it something like "Pro-Ending-Life-In-A-Good-Way." Really. It's a win-win. A lot of the guys in the freezer wanted to make their "lives" mean something. And then there are those who just want to throw their "lives" away. Adopt our idea and you help us all. Yours In Freezer,
www.greatfailure.com A talk show host, author, columnist,award-winning television writer and filmmaker, his inspiring book, "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press) has been published internationally and has become required reading in the Wharton School of Business Masters Program. His "All The News That's Fit To Spoof " column appears every Sunday on the L.A. Daily News Oped Page. Steve has appeared all over national TV and radio with his unique brand of satirical punditry and social observations appearing in national periodicals from the Los Angeles Times and The New York Times, to his own weekly Internet column "The Lords Of Loud," at AlbionMonitor.net and The Huffington Post.
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