Patriots always talk of dying for their country and never of killing for their country: Bertrand Russell, attributed
I published a post two days ago THE WALKING DEAD / P.T.S.D in which I included a story by Aaron Glantz entitled Suicidal and Facing a Third Tour in Iraq. http://blogs.salon.com/0002255/2007/05/19.html
Glantz wrote about Cloy Richards, who lives in rural Salem, Missouri, and has served two deployments in the Marine Corps in Iraq. The military lists him as 80-percent combat disabled.
His mother says he has knee and arm injuries, as well as post-traumatic stress disorder, and currently has a claim pending with the Army for a traumatic brain injury.
After interviewing his mother Tina yesterday by phone ~ I find that she recently had to literally camp out in Washington, D.C. for three months to keep Troy from being shipped back to Iraq for active duty.
This despite the fact that he has had three serious suicide attempts.
Tina has a website that graphically documents her story to save her son from himself as well as the Marine Corps ~ who were determined to send him back to Iraq www.grassrootsamerica4us.org
What touched me, in my interview with her, was how Cloy's poetry has been a vehicle to slowly push himself out of his Black Holeof guilt, despair, aloneness and unworthiness ~ which are the common characteristics of P.T.S.D
Here are two of his poems ~ appropriate now as we approach Memorial Day.
WHY I FIGHT FOR PEACE by Cloy Richards USMC
Because I can’t forget no matter how hard I try. They told us we were taking out advancing Iraqi forces, But when we went to check out the bodies they were nothing but women and children desperately fleeing their homes because they wanted to get out of the city before we attacked in the morning.
Because my little brother, who is my job to protect, decided to join the California National Guard to get some money for college and they promised he wouldn’t go to Iraq. instead three months after enlisting he was sent to Iraq for one year.
Since he has been home for the last six months, he refuses to talk to anyone, he lives by himself. the only person he associates with is a friend of his, the one other man out of his squad of thirteen men who made it home alive.
He called me a few weeks ago for the first time And told me he’s having nightmares. I asked what they were about and He said they’re about picking up the pieces Of his fellow soldiers after a car bomb hit them.
Because every single one of the Marines I served with, the really brave warriors, even when some friends and people they looked up to got killed or lost an arm or leg, they wouldn’t cry, they just kept fighting. They completed their mission.
Every one of them I have spoken to since we got home has broken down crying in front of me, saying all they can do since they got back is bounce from job to job, drink and do drugs, And contemplate suicide to end the pain.
Because I’m tired of drinking, bouncing from job to job and contemplating suicide to end the pain.
Because every time I see a child, I think of the thousands I’ve slaughtered. Because every time I see a young soldier, I think of the thousands Bush has slaughtered. Because every time I look in the mirror I see a casualty of the war.
Because I have a lot of lives I have to make up for, the lives I have taken and Because it’s right. That’s why I fight. Because of soldiers with wounds you can’t see.
Survivor's Guilt By Corporal Cloy Richards
I stare at this paper and don’t know what to say I don’t feel right saying “happy memorial day” I don’t find anything happy in the price you’ve paid We’re both just pawns when this game called war gets played My body came home but my spirit just stayed That hot Iraqi day when you were slayed Watching my back so I could sleep unafraid I heard the explosion from where I laid And instantly I watched the skies go grey I watched my life just float away How could things go this way You were my brother in arms and you took my place But not like the way that car bomb took your face And blew off your limbs When I think about it my head starts to spin I get noxious when I think of your family I want to tell them I truly am sorry I’m sorry your son died protecting me This isn’t the way things were meant to be You see that day your son took my duty Your brother sacrificed four 4 hours of sleep So he could go guard a gate for me Your fiancée took my fate from me I’m sorry your father took my place for me I’m sorry I can spend memorial day with my family Today should have been a memorial for me At least then the survivor could have lived guilt- free.
Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on Conscious talk radio www.conscioustalk.net
Thank you, Alan (or Teilhard), for publishing these poems. I'm sorry that no one else has commented, for these words are not only powerful and heartbreaking, but speak volumes. What else need be said to define the living horrors of this world -- nothing.
by
baumgartner (11 articles, 75 quicklinks, 38 comments)
on Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 2:01:13 PM
This is a deeply wounded young man ~ who is reaching out through his poetry to make a statement about a morally wrong occupation and healing himself in the process.
He recently purchased a small puppy named Max ~ which is furthering his healing process.
I've had a tremendous response to this posting on my personal weblog and website www.allenroland.com which now reaches over 135 countries and has registered over 100,000 hits just this month.
Troy is a very courageous young man and his mother , Tina ~ has been an incredible souce of unconditional love during his ordeal with P.T.S.D
Allen L Roland
by
teilhard (459 articles, 0 quicklinks, 84 comments)
on Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 3:40:04 PM
I have not been around for some time, and actually not since I last commented on another one of your articles.
I just read the post where you do therapy with the Vietnam vet, and now I read this, and from the other commenter, I take that you got not listened to, as at least I find it difficult not to acknowledge that I read your articles. I want you to know, and yes, thank you.
I don't have much to say,but I did listen. I understand so much more now than I would have six years ago about what these young men are experiencing.
I was not sent to Iraq, but I got to experience what the Bush administration is all about, and I myself will never be the same person I was once before.
Part of me has died, it seems, and another part has evolved.
I am grateful for 'knowing' now, because i could have never learned without stepping into it myself.
The war, or Iraq, or the 'identified trauma' seem so big at first, and before the worst is yet to begin. The 'betrayal trauma', and no longer being part, or belonging to the world one once took for granted, and called home.
Language no longer seems sufficient, and/or even close to adequate when trying to use it as a tool for communication. As hard as one tries, the direct opposite is often accomplished, and the person not merely doesn't get heard, and not listened to, and avoided, but his efforts are misinterpreted. Not only is this person not understood, but he is misunderstood, and often it comes as a shock when the people we spent so many years of our lives with not only no longer know us now, but apparently they never did before. There is so little trust.
I am glad you are able to help; i wish more people were able to, and for that they do not need to be trained professionals.
Thanks again, Katrin
by
Katrin (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 20 comments)
on Sunday, May 27, 2007 at 9:59:16 PM
Your welcome, Katrin ~ read my latest post FRANK'S STORY / A P.T.S.D. VICTIM'S RISE FROM THE ASHES OF UNWORTHINESS .
Without love there is no permanent healing ~ and that goes also for the planet which will not heal itself until it surrenders to the universal urge to unite and cooperate with one another versus control and destroy each other.
Allen L Roland
by
teilhard (459 articles, 0 quicklinks, 84 comments)
on Monday, May 28, 2007 at 3:35:32 PM
