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June 12, 2007 at 08:44:48

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Human Coprophagia

by Mark Sashine Page 1 of 3 page(s)

www.robkall.com

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Dog Coprophagia- the unfortunate habit of the dogs to eat theirs (and others) feces' From the Internet

Ever seen that? When a puppy is after the feces, he is voracious: off he goes like crazy and if you interrupt him he growls and snarls at you. He is really irritated, even hysterical in a way.

With dogs it is simple; it is an instinct, not their fault. There is a meat tenderizer, such products as Deter and Forbid; there is also a blessing of Tabasco sauce. One drop of that thing on the feces and the poor puppy backs off. Eventually most of the dogs outgrow the habit. Dogs are smart.

With humans it is much harder. A credit of the discovery of the human coprophagia goes to the Russian writer Feodor Dostoevsky, the favorite of Laura Bush ( we will return to her shortly).

In the 1860s he visited France under Napoleon, the Petite and described a puzzling phenomenon he witnessed first-hand. He quotes in his 'Notes of the Traveler' a routine report in one of the Paris newspapers on the recreational equestrian promenade in the Bulone Forest, that favorite park of all Parisians. Apparently the Emperor was a regular there and the reporter practically choked on admiration describing His Majesty on horseback (in the real life Napoleon III was a very ugly, dwarfish character who looked horrible on horseback).

So, why, would the reporter write all that nonsense, asked Feodor Michailovich. He then mused on that puzzle for a while but did not come to any answer. Obviously, the reporter had nothing to gain; hardly the Emperor or anyone on his staff ever read those reports or heard of them. If he was counting on the appreciation of the readership he could say the same thing without hysterics and get the same effect, hopefully. Dostoevsky left that for the reader to ponder.

Right now, after about 150 years of turmoil, death and destruction we do have a definite answer to the puzzle- the reporter did that because he genuinely loved, adored, admired and even sexually desired the Emperor, his posture, his mustaches, his horse and the whole his way of life.. Armed by the advanced veterinary knowledge of the time we can diagnose the human coprophagia- the generation of the poop and eating it with full enjoyment. The answer to the puzzle lies in the realm of unreasonable: we are dealing with an instinct, not some calculated effort. By hysterically praising the Royal Equestrian the said reporter expressed his own total submissiveness, his eager surrender to the power of the Third Empire. Pure coprophagia right there.

Dostoevsky wisely did not publish those notes of his outside of Russia or he might be rebuked, ostracized or even barred from entering France forever just like the modern coprophags had barred Robert Fisk from entering the US for his open criticism of the US and Israeli policies. The more things change the more they stay the same. I will describe below several clinical cases of the modern coprophagia; the cases which surely would have puzzled Dostoevsky but neither Sigmund Freud nor an experienced veterinarian for that matter. Really, we are closer to the animals than we think. I wonder what would the creationists say about all that, coprophags as they are.

Case 1. Laura Bush and Her Taste in Books.

We all know that the Divine Intervention cured our President from alcoholism so that he could install democracy among those who will survive his perpetual war. We also know that our First Lady also seems to be recovering from something; at least that's how she looks like when we see her. Unlike the President, though, Laura claims to be an intelligent being, a librarian with impeccable taste in books. She thus was once asked about her favorite novel and, lo and behold it happened to be 'The Brothers Karamazov' by Feodor Dostoevsky.

Oh, well. Some staff member most likely had a list of the suitable authors/novels ready for her and she picked the most fashionable name totally ignorant of the fact that if Dostoevsky is considered by the literati as the most complicated Russian author, that particular novel is well-known as one of the least understandable, so purely Russian that we have to engage another genius here, namely Joseph Brodsky and his famous, ' Only the fellow- countryman can understand that..' There was not a chance in Hell that Laura could appreciate much less even understand anything there. That is even if we take a chance that she read the abridged/translated version of it with comments. But I am not talking about her. There are literally thousands of very educated people in the US who know a lot about Dostoevsky. So, why there was not even one scathing, sarcastic article about that episode, recommending our dear little librarian to pick up something closer to her heart, like a book about little goat, so admired by her husband at the crucial moment of our history? Hey, no comedian even mentioned that. Instead the media coprophags engaged in voracious poop- eating: her intelligence and her taste in books were praised by all the doggies, great and small for about a week RIP, Feodor Michailovichl you are now officially the favorite author of Laura, the Chief Librarian. Long live the Patriot Act and the FBI right to snitch on the library cards.

Before I go to the case 2 I would like to point at the difference between the human coprophags and the dogs. Unlike with canines, human coprophagia is a deliberate, self- inflicted and self- developed character feature. It is an ability to generate poop and consume it with joy, whether it yours or someone else's. Humans cannot be trained to keep away or obey the 'Off' command. They not only snarl but bite and even kill those who make an effort to distract them or to prevent other people from contracting the same unfortunate feature. Knowing that we proceed.

Case 2. The Snarling Lady.

Fairly recently, a 'distinguished journalist' lady published an article on opednews practically snarling at the Jews. Not all Jews, mind you. She was upset with only certain Jews, those, who for whatever reason openly tried to separate themselves from the Israeli policies. Most of those Jews do not live in Israel. They are academicians, writers, public figures in the countries of their residence. As such they exercised their rights as citizens, particularly the right of a free speech. The unlovely lady-pundit was furious. She called them all kinds of names, including the clichéd 'self- hating Jews', traitors and even said that they inflicted more harm than the terrorists. How touchy.

Now, Israeli policy is by far a big heap of sh*t to consume and here we have a perfect specimen of a coprophag on the retainer. The lady does not give a sh*t about the Jews; she just does her job. Her Zionist masters claim an ownership on all the Jews in the world. According to them any Galacha Jew (that is the one born by a Jewish mother) belongs to them body and soul, no escape. If the body is not in Israel and the children do not serve in the IDF, then the soul must serve it: think about it, help it financially, praise Israel and Zionism in any possible way. Zionists are cultists; they crave stupidity and fanaticism and they hate the doubt and curiosity. Obviously, they fear and hate those Jews who do not give a damn about them, live their own independent lives and say whatever they want about anything. They view those people as a direct threat to their existence and rightfully so. The snarling coprophag lady eats the sh*t the Zionists produce and snarls at anyone who threatens their (and thus hers) sustainability. A perfect specimen as I said.

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A writer is a rogue goose. All other gees fly in a flock formation; every goose knows his place and time for honking. The rogue goose is undisciplined. He leaves the formation indiscriminately to have a look at it from aside. He roams back and forth, takes a peep at the leader, honks a little bit from behind, distracts everyone and writes on what he sees. Time passes and as he wants to return back to his place he discovers someone else there. Thus he either has to wait until they land for rest or join another flock in emigration. Those other birds could be cranes, storks or even crows. If he makes it he will become a rogue again. Whenever he goes and whatever he writes he never reaches a destination or enjoys a landing. There's only Kipling's God of Fair Beginnings and skies above and beyond. And the only way for a writer to make peace with the Deity is through the language of Poetry.

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7 comments

Rob Kall is executive editor and publisher of OpEdNews.com, President of Futurehealth, Inc, inventor . He is also published regularly on the Huffingtonpost.com and is a columnist with Northstarwriters.com. He is a frequent Speaker on Politics, Impeachment, The art, science and power of story, heroes and the hero's journey, Positive Psychology, Stress, Biofeedback and a wide range of subjects. He is a campaign consultant specializing in tapping the power of stories for issue positioning, stump s...

to see more of bio, click on member name
Rob KallRob Kall is executive editor and publisher of OpEdNews.com, President of Futurehealth, Inc, inventor . He is also published regularly on the Huffingtonpost.com and is a columnist with Northstarwriters.com. He is a frequent Speaker on Politics, Impeachment, The art, science and power of story, heroes and the hero's journey, Positive Psychology, Stress, Biofeedback and a wide range of subjects. He is a campaign consultant specializing in tapping the power of stories for issue positioning, stump s...

to see more of bio, click on member name

My dog is a coprophage

So I know a bit about them. She's an old dog, and has always done it. There are things you can put in the dog's food-- anti-coprophagia pill, so the sh*t tastes bad, but that "training" only lasts a short while. Then the old dog is back to her sh*t eating. The thing is, she doesn't only eat sh*t, she regularly vomits up sh*t. Put that into your metaphor. Your coprohags vomit up their sh*t all over the place. And then, someone else has to clean it up.

And let's not forget about their sh*tty breath.

by Rob Kall (890 articles, 4057 quicklinks, 350 diaries, 1922 comments) on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 9:15:36 AM

A writer is a rogue goose. All other gees fly in a flock formation; every goose knows his place and time for honking. The rogue goose is undisciplined. He leaves the formation indiscriminately to have a look at it from aside. He roams back and forth, takes a peep at the leader, honks a little bit from behind, distracts everyone and writes on what he sees. Time passes and as he wants to return back to his place he discovers someone else there. Thus he either has to wait until they land for rest...

to see more of bio, click on member name
Mark SashineA writer is a rogue goose. All other gees fly in a flock formation; every goose knows his place and time for honking. The rogue goose is undisciplined. He leaves the formation indiscriminately to have a look at it from aside. He roams back and forth, takes a peep at the leader, honks a little bit from behind, distracts everyone and writes on what he sees. Time passes and as he wants to return back to his place he discovers someone else there. Thus he either has to wait until they land for rest...

to see more of bio, click on member name

Thanks, Rob

but in all fairness they told me here in the vet office that usually puppies overgrow this and if not, there must be something wrong with the pooche and medications are in order.. As for humans... of course.. I just wanted not to sound too... shitty if I may say.

by Mark Sashine (55 articles, 19 quicklinks, 256 diaries, 3701 comments) on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 9:23:55 AM

Aging bleeding heart liberal who continues to believe in justice and the goodness of some people. I always have hope in a better fairer tomorrow. I do not understand the greed motivation,but I know it is seductive and pervasive.
cluelessflAging bleeding heart liberal who continues to believe in justice and the goodness of some people. I always have hope in a better fairer tomorrow. I do not understand the greed motivation,but I know it is seductive and pervasive.

Slobbering Drunk

When ever I think of Laura Bush I try to imagine her pristine body lying next to a slobbering drunk that George was for years. Enough said.

by cluelessfl (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 184 comments) on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 12:00:45 PM

A native Californian, Jan Baumgartner is a freelance writer dividing her time between surviving in Maine and living in Mexico. Her background includes scriptwriting, comedy writing for the Northern California Emmy Awards, and travel writing for The New York Times. She has worked as a grant writer for the non-profit sector in the fields of academia, AIDS, and wildlife conservation and anti-poaching for NGO's in the U.S. and Africa. Her articles and essays have appeared in numerous online and pri...

to see more of bio, click on member name
Jan BaumgartnerA native Californian, Jan Baumgartner is a freelance writer dividing her time between surviving in Maine and living in Mexico. Her background includes scriptwriting, comedy writing for the Northern California Emmy Awards, and travel writing for The New York Times. She has worked as a grant writer for the non-profit sector in the fields of academia, AIDS, and wildlife conservation and anti-poaching for NGO's in the U.S. and Africa. Her articles and essays have appeared in numerous online and pri...

to see more of bio, click on member name

well...

where does one begin? First off, let me say that of all the dogs I know (not metaphorically) the ones who enjoy sh*t snacks are all adults. To me, they appear to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted canines, and apparently, all breastfed. That said, I am not a Dog Whisperer so their private angst may have slipped by me. As for Tabasco - why not just let your dog be a dog? Humans love to adjust, train, and mold animals into something other than they are. To quote a famous French lady (and we all know that the French are expert at food) ..."let them eat sh*t."

To be honest, I read your opening paragraph while your article sat in the queue. I wasn't sure where it was going, but focusing only on the sh*t starter, I left it in the queue for another editor to accept/reject. This was my mistake for not reading it in its entirety, as in all honesty, I found this piece completely mesmerizing if not wonderfully bizarre. I was going to add something else of a complimentary tone, but find that I'm feeling rather self-conscious about appearing as though I am "talking with my mouth full."

On a personal note, I agree with your statement that for the most part, women are the peacemakers, common-sense thinkers, etc, but to deny us the myriad facets and emotions of being human, by expressing distaste or disdain if we "bare our fangs" or snarl, only sets us up to fail. It made me think of a boyfriend long ago who told me I was "perfect." In his mind, I was perfect as long as I didn't sh*t or fart. Appalling, yes. Relaxing, no. Especially every time I'd have to leave his place to drive home to use my toilet.

So, all in all, you did a very tidy job in tying together canine and human coprophagia. I liked it -- and, it didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Jan

by Jan Baumgartner (54 articles, 138 quicklinks, 10 diaries, 260 comments) on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 12:10:44 PM

Mother of 7, grandmother of 21, great grandmother of 41 and great-great grandmother of 2 and loving every minute of it. I want a better world for us all than the mess we have now.
RaeMother of 7, grandmother of 21, great grandmother of 41 and great-great grandmother of 2 and loving every minute of it. I want a better world for us all than the mess we have now.

Mark Sashine needs a name change

You should be Mark "Sunshine".

Your sardonic truthisms had me laughing out loud..a rare event these days. Although, you have insulted Dogs! What they do is by instinct..as for the others you mentioned, they cultivate their stupidity and pass it around like a virus.

by Rae (0 articles, 1 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 221 comments) on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 2:24:17 PM

Harpist, unemployed blue collar worker, and Bush basher living deep in the heart of Texas.
PappyHarpist, unemployed blue collar worker, and Bush basher living deep in the heart of Texas.

Hors d' oeuvres de poo!

An article about human coprophagia? f*cking brilliant!

This was one of the best written articles I've read in some time. The tag line was engineered to pull one right in. The set up was flawless. The points were well made. Add to that it had a lovely sense of fun while conveying some serious points, it was just wonderful!

So far I have encountered very few Americans who would state unequivocally that the best behavior for the human being is to mind his/her own business and that should work for the good old USA too.

A person who minds his/her own business is an almost extinct animal, that is definitely true. How unfortunate is that?

I am one of them. Being a raving Libertarian and life long loner, it stands to reason I stand by the ideal that as long as what you do doesn't mess up my world, you can do whatever it is you want to do. All I ask in return for this courtesy is to be allowed the same latitude.

How rarely this is given. This is especially true for the poopie puffers that call themselves christian. Whether directly or indirectly, I have to read or hear about the "good news" of Jesus on an almost daily basis. I have lived in America all forty-four years of my life. I have been hearing the good news since I was five or six, and perhaps even before then. If I didn't buy it when I was a kid, really stopped buying it when I turned my back on religion, what on earth makes them think I am going to give a sh*t about it now...after event and circumstance have proved there is no god!?

Yes, there are many ways to consume one's own feces. I am thankful that I steer clear of that bad habit.

I have a couple questions. First, you said that you give a dog a medicine that makes their sh*t taste bad. Uh, I have never tried it personally, but I get the idea from the smell that it wouldn't taste too good to begin with. How can one possibly make sh*t taste worse? I am really having trouble wrapping my brain around that. Second. What if your puppy likes Tabasco? What do you do then?

hehehe hahaha!

Blessed be!
Pappy

by Pappy (61 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 860 comments) on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 at 2:59:37 AM

A writer is a rogue goose. All other gees fly in a flock formation; every goose knows his place and time for honking. The rogue goose is undisciplined. He leaves the formation indiscriminately to have a look at it from aside. He roams back and forth, takes a peep at the leader, honks a little bit from behind, distracts everyone and writes on what he sees. Time passes and as he wants to return back to his place he discovers someone else there. Thus he either has to wait until they land for rest...

to see more of bio, click on member name
Mark SashineA writer is a rogue goose. All other gees fly in a flock formation; every goose knows his place and time for honking. The rogue goose is undisciplined. He leaves the formation indiscriminately to have a look at it from aside. He roams back and forth, takes a peep at the leader, honks a little bit from behind, distracts everyone and writes on what he sees. Time passes and as he wants to return back to his place he discovers someone else there. Thus he either has to wait until they land for rest...

to see more of bio, click on member name

From the author: a smile from the heart

I would like to thank all the commenters for their input. I am profoundly moved. It was great to feel that your work made sense and that you made other people feel something, especially laugh. I once wrote that we study people here on the site about 99% of the time spent but now I would stay corrected: we also help each other. My work helped some of you and you helped me.

I guess I could have polished it more; get rid of all those ' thoughs' ( that made me sound like Holden Caulfield talking) and also consider the ' turd hanging from my mouth' instead of ' out of my mouth' but so be it. I wanted to retain some of the Russian flavor, the way a former foreigner treats the language because no matter how you study it you must not forget the statement by Ivan Bunin, 'A man cannot know two languages. Say, would you be able to wink at the reader in French?'

In the end of 1860s Mark Twain went with the group of the US citizens to Europe, Egypt and Holy Land. He wrote a book about that trip ' Innocents abroad'. While visiting Russia they were invited to a family picnic (!) with the Russian Royal Family of then Emperor Alexander II. That was to show the respect of the Russian nation to the USA and its people. Twain was amazed then by simplicity and openness of the Royals, also that they all knew English language and talked freely with all Americans (no precautions, no ceremony, just tea). Tell that to Dubya ( also tell that Royals in Russia usually were fluent in three languages besides Russian- English, French and German). Further in the book, analysing his impressions about the people he saw, Twain concluded that all people were friendly towards Americans but only ' Russian smile comes from the heart.'

I smile from the heart. There is no malice in my irony- only a discontent. That's what I want everyone to know.

Thanks again. As for Tabasco I abandoned it. It kills the grass. I now rush after the puppy and clean immediately after him before he.. turns around. Serves me well- I lost a lot of weight:)

Mark Sashine, aka Panurg

by Mark Sashine (55 articles, 19 quicklinks, 256 diaries, 3701 comments) on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 at 6:13:35 AM