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Tag(s): Antiwar; Antiwar Movement; Awareness; Consciousness - Enlightenment; Inspirational; Inspirational; Love; Personal; Veterans; Veterans Neglected; (more...) Veterans Post Tramatic Stress; Veterans Vietnam (less...)
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May 27, 2007 at 16:53:40

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FRANK'S STORY / A P.T.S.D. VICTIM RISES FROM THE ASHES OF UNWORTHINESS

by Allen L Roland Page 2 of 4 page(s)

www.robkall.com

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It is during this session that you begin the journey out of your self-imposed prison of fear. This process is accelerated as you are required to literally contact those people you still carry resentment towards and take total accountability for your own feelings and actions in those relationships, instead of remaining a victim. The result of this exercise is that you can no longer blame someone else for your own deep pain or for the decisions you made from that pain. You are now ready to embrace the sad and alone child within yourself ~ who longs to be free from the self-imposed shackles of victim hood.

This was a tough session for Frank particularly when he had to face his own heavy self hatred issues and forgive himself ~ but in so doing he got the first internal glimpse of the lightness and freedom of accountability. His homework was to take the several people he had resentment issues with off the hook and thank them for being a gift in his life.

Session Four - Connecting with the Child Within Yourself

In this session I demonstrate, once we have taken total accountability for our lives, how we are now in a position to communicate with and listen to the child within ourselves. I utilize a guided visualization to accomplish this step, which includes questions that you ask the child within yourself. I also clearly demonstrate that the most important step in this self-healing process is taking responsibility for love, in that we have probably felt the deepest pain with the people we have loved the most. As such, taking accountability for that love accelerates the self-healing process.

Frank was ready to meet his child during the guided visualization and here are the questions he asked and the answers he received ~

1. What do I need to do to fully embrace you in my life ? Let go of all your fears .

2. What is my deepest fear ? Letting go and sharing the truth.

3. Are those fears illusionary ? Yes

4. Can I trust Allen ? 100 %

5. What's my next step ? Surrender

6. Is there joy beneath my pain and guilt ? Yes

7. How important is my work with Allen ? The most important !

8. How do I get out of this situation ? Follow me

9. How much do you love me ? I always have

10. What's the most important advice you can give me right now ? Love me and follow me

Frank was blown away by this session and his homework was to share it with Nina, his ex-wife and another friend.

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8 comments

The author lives in Eugene, OR. Interests include 'Group Psychotherapy' and 'Psychodrama'. She is also an RN. One 'Favorite Quote': 'Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, peoples and times it is the rule.' ......Friedrich Nietzsche
Katrin R.The author lives in Eugene, OR. Interests include 'Group Psychotherapy' and 'Psychodrama'. She is also an RN. One 'Favorite Quote': 'Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, peoples and times it is the rule.' ......Friedrich Nietzsche

The steps

You certainly have all the important steps covered, and I find your organization impressive.

I just wonder, how the patient gets to process all these phases in a set amount of time, and which is really rather short. But it is more the timeframe I am wondering about, and how you can control this for the client.

Intellectually, yes. But emotionally? How is it possible to integrate the child, and be ready to really be ready to do all this work. Like, i may understand the need to give and receive love, and I can go do the homework. But can I force the feelings to come, and if they do, to remain?

I am mainly asking, because I have worked through all these steps myself, and I know the difference. on the other hand, I had to be ready . It took me years before I really acknowledged my inner child, and then when I finally did, I was more than ready to embrace her. Yet, I had a very difficult time knowing what to do with her, because we had been separated for so long.

It took another crisis before I was really able to be my best friend, and this was actually something I had always wished for. To have a friend just like myself. It kind of happened by accident, but I would never switch back.

It happened when my life went from everyone caring,and liking me, and believing i was a great daughter, friend, etc to the exact opposite, pretty much over night. I was accused of the crime that was committed to me.

At first I thought I would never survive this. i could just not believe how people who had known and trusted me all my life could just switch on me like that; that they did not know, or trust me better.

But when I realized I was still alive one day, I discovered the wonderful freedom that came with people no longer liking me. I had always been a people pleaser, and I would have done anything pretty much to keep a relationship good, perhaps more for the sake of the other than for myself.

Now this pressure was gone, and people no longer expected me to be their caretaker And, i got myself as my best friend.

all this has smoothed out, of course, and not everyone still hates or avoids me at all. Still, the feeling of freedom remains, and never, ever will I throw myself away for another. I will be there with,and for another, but not at the expense of throwing myself away. (not edited)

by Katrin R. (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 514 comments) on Monday, May 28, 2007 at 9:43:13 PM

Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on Conscious talk radio www.conscioustalk.net
Allen L RolandAllen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on Conscious talk radio www.conscioustalk.net

THE STEPS

You certainly have all the important steps covered, and I find your organization impressive.

The answer is that I am not afraid of whatever the client is afraid of ~ so I go in where no one has gone and they are not alone. It happens rapidly because they are not alone and they are healing themselves .

It's like a butterfly coming out of the cocoon ~ have you ever seen a butterfly carrying its cocoon with it or perhaps the better analogy is the horse to the barn !Once you deeply sense another choice ~ it is difficult to say no to yourself anymore.

The client sets the pace but I have many people who are done in six or seven days.

Allen L Roland

by Allen L Roland (950 articles, 7 quicklinks, 1 diaries, 369 comments) on Monday, May 28, 2007 at 11:31:57 PM

I can better relate to the butterfly

When the butterfly comes out of it's cocoon, it does not carry the latter with it, because this is the natural development for the butterfly.

But the butterfly is not injured, and it is not suffering from PTSD, or at least we don't know what it would do to cope with a word where it is no longer safe, and where it no longer belongs, and where even if it gets treatment, this is more likely to re-injure it, and make things worse, than it is helpful.

it is wonderful that this client is able to trust you, but it does not work that way in the real world, and he does not have the defenses of a normal person any longer to cope with regular stressful situations, and especially because they trigger profound physical and psychological pain, and bad memories, and as much as the daughter loves him, she was not there in Iraq with him, and her brain was not altered as a result of the severe stress, and in the Iraq case, this involves much further, and worse betrayal, and the killings were much less meaningless than in other wars, and the soldiers were (are) not only up against an unequal enemy, but no enemy at all. (which makes the experience very different from that of WW2 soldiers, and who feel they belong, and made a difference in the name of 'good') and they were not treated horribly when they came back, and they were not sent back three times over a period of four years.

I am only thinking, that no matter how good of a therapist you are, and no matter how motivated the client, that in the case like the one you are describing, this client is dealing with much psychological and physical material that is involuntary, and not under his control, even if he develops a loving attitude.

I am not questioning you; I am only trying to better understand how the client is sustained, or otherwise has the freedom to change so completely.

by Katrin R. (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 514 comments) on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 12:22:30 AM

ANSWER

I am not questioning you; I am only trying to better understand how the client is sustained, or otherwise has the freedom to change so completely.

Because deepest within ourselves is love, joy, intention and purpose and the client senses this truth and I live it. They pull on that during their sessions and quickly begin to realize it is true.

Most people are not afraid of their deep pain ~ they are more afraid of their deeper joy . If I own it the piano will fall on my head ;-)

There is no such thing as an ugly soul but their are many maimed ones.

Allen L Roland

by Allen L Roland (950 articles, 7 quicklinks, 1 diaries, 369 comments) on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 12:34:13 AM

after you are gone

What happens though, after the relationship is over. I am sure that your energy, and their relationship with, and trust in you, has the potential to do wonders. But what happens when it is over?

They cannot internalize you .....? I would think they need you, and depend on you. They would still be very fragile, especially when it comes to dealing with the much more difficult,and unfamiliar material, and arena, and what has been so familiar...the pain, and closing off.

by Katrin R. (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 514 comments) on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 12:59:21 AM

ANSWER

My job, as their therapist, is to empower them. The real coach is themselves and by taking action and going through their fears ~ they claim their own power. I then become their friend who they can call at any time ~ the last session is my favorite session because it's time for them to fly and they are ready by that time . The path to the soul is through doors of fear and the biggest fear is ~ That being myself is not enough .

The biggest gift I give them is myself and, as such, show that it is possible to truly be themselves.

Allen L Roland

by Allen L Roland (950 articles, 7 quicklinks, 1 diaries, 369 comments) on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 1:34:01 AM

Thank you!

Thank you, Allen, for taking the time to explain, and respond. I think the 'empowering' is the clue. Many therapists do the exact opposite.

by Katrin R. (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 514 comments) on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 5:38:33 PM

YOUR WELCOME, KATRIN

Your welcome, Katrin ~ Most long term therapy is thinly disguised Co-dependency. I am completely convinced and have proven that clients can heal themselves if therapists can get beyond their own fears, their need to control and empower their clients to another choice of behavior.

Allen L Roland

by Allen L Roland (950 articles, 7 quicklinks, 1 diaries, 369 comments) on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 8:43:05 PM